Hannes
Introduction Long thought to be a god or otherwise spiritual deity, this absolute marvel of nature has been confirmed as to be no more than an incredibly radiant, skilled and supremely intellectual man. He is most famous for his astonishing ability to predict what his dastardly classmates (Zachary and Chris in particular) will do in order to heckle or otherwise provoke him, and manages to prevail unprovoked after every attempt. Unfortunately, this type of all-seeing has taken it's toll on the eyes of Hannes, or more specifically: the cone cells of his eyes. This has lead Hannes to develop stage five chronic color blindness. This prevents Hannes from distinguishing the color of certain items, such as the color of items of clothing, chemical concoctions etc. etc. Hannes bears this illness much to the joy of his classmates, and seemingly - everyone. = Biography Hannes was born in the golden year of 2001 which in and of itself would make him great. However, the fact that he walks among the peasants born in the dreaded year of 2000 makes him even more of a god amongst men, or, a 1 amongst 0:s if you will. Some people may believe that Hannes was born in Skåne due to his beautiful method of speech and his flawless articulation. This however, is a common misconception. While it is true that Hannes speaks with an elegant skånish accent, he was in fact not born in Skåne. Upbringing Birth The place of Hannes' birth was in actuality atop a high mountain called mt. Elgon, which is situated on the border of the two great african countries of Kenya and of course Uganda. The event of Hannes' birth was spectacular and scientifically baffles researchers to this day. According to witnesses, a great beam of pure light shot down upon the summit of the great mountain as the sky opened up above. Then came a loud crackling noice, and when the beam had perished, a double rainbow appeared across the sky above the summit. While this event took place, the scouts of a ugandan warrior tribe were hunting for lions nearby, and witnessed the whole thing. They were petrified by fear because of what had just taken place before their eyes. It wasn't until the bravery of a young scout named Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Osas﻿ that the silence was broken. The bravery of the young scout lead him to suggest that the scouts ought to investigate the whirling vortex that the giant beam of light had left behind. The eldest scout called Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Bossas﻿ protested this reckless undertaking because it was likely some trick contrived by one of the neighboring hostile tribes. This is when Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Osas﻿ challenged the leadership of the eldest of the scouts Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Bossas﻿ (who was his elder brother) and the two duked out a legendary duel that would be remembered throughout the history of the tribe. The bystanding scouts that witnessed this event report that the phrases 'Leatherman' and 'Fuck You' were frequently uttered as this battle raged on. After a long and hard fought brawl Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Osas﻿ finally managed to defeat his brother by using a devestating combination of a summer salt-toss and an ass grab so powerful, that it obliterated his brother in an instant. After Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Osas﻿ had assumed leadership over the scouts, his first command was that the scouts would search the vortex which the beam had left behind. However, when the scouts approached the whirling vortex, they found that the center of it was made of solid mass. Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Osas﻿ did not hesitate for a second before reaching his hand into the vortex which now began to crackle and small bolts of lightning began to shoot out from the vortex. This frightened the other scouts that stood by and watched as their master pulled out the core of the vortex. This routed the scouts but their brave leader was not deterred. With one last pull, Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Osas﻿ managed to get the core out of the now unstable vortex, which caused the vortex itself to collapse and subsequently perish from existence. In his arms, Umbwembwe Tumwemumbwe Kuemuvenve Osas﻿ now held a small, pale baby whose body was wrapped in gold shawls. Childhood This baby found atop the great mountain of Elgon was brought before the shaman in the town of the Kupamba tribe. Where he was to undergo a ritual that would bring him into the fold of the Kupamba tribe. During the ritual, however, the shaman experienced an intense vision which caused him to see the spirit of Pigalo - the popo god. Pigalo told the shaman that the child undergoing the ritual was destined for greatness and would lead the tribe to a bright future, but that the boy needed to be tested. The last thing the spirit told the shaman was the name of the child, which was Haki Aliogopa Nguvu Nzuri Ema Sahihi. The shaman quickly decided that the infant should be called Hannes for short. The boy was sent out on a mission which would require him to kill and skin a full-sized elephant and then bring the hide of the animal back to the shaman. Armed with only a sharp rock, Hannes set out on his journey to kill and skin an elephant. It did not take the boy long to track down the elephant once he had caught the scent of the animal. The poor animal did not stand much of a chance against the ferocity of the young boy as he made quick work of theelephant by first biting the testicles of the creature in order to incapacitate it, then proceeding by cutting straight through the skull of the creature, killing it immediately. Category:Person